So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
