I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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