yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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