I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
