is your mom at the bar?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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