Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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