sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
