The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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