I just cut my nipple shaving
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
