eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize