Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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