My nipple is on Facebook.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
