Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
