I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
