ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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