it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
