I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
