Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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