Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
