There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
