Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
