Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize