I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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