After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
