8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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