Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
