i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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