where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
