I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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