I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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