I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
