There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
