i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
