no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
