your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
