yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Found the puke drawer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
