everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is glitter all over my balls
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