capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
