The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
