I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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