I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
