one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
