Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
