Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
