WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
