dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
