Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
