i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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