so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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