I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
