my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
