I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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