im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
