remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
