please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
