so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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