she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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