You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize