you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
