Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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