i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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