It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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