you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
