i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
