She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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