So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
