I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
