I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
