It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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