The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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