Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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