i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
