You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at about main and main street
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
