Pregnant stripper...not hot.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize