apparently the secret to your success is patron
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
