guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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