I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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