4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
