it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
