My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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