I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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