Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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