Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
