Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
