pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
