Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
