well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
