shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
